So, it seems I've a very bad habit of setting up circumstances or expectations that leave me feeling constantly overwhelmed and behind. I hate that feeling. I always feel like I need to do more, do better, try harder, be more disciplined. I'm very good at being self critical which really doesn't help get me anywhere but more overwhelmed when I really think about it. I was looking for a quote in Sabrina Ward Harrison's Brave on the Rocks book when I stumbled across a page she wrote about what she termed "the Betterness Complex". I know it's a pretty common feeling out there amongst many. We are so hard on ourselves, and each other too.
I've been mulling on that lately as I go along.
I've been enjoying Ali Edwards' 52 Creative Lifts Newletter (sign up for free here), and I think it was her newsletter that led me to this post by Liz Lamoreux. I love her thoughts on how we make assumptions, fill in the blanks. That was a new way of looking at the "I should be more because she..." game we play. I don't think we should compare ourselves to others anyway, because it often leads to judgement of ourselves or others, and Liz's thoughts are another reason not to; because we really don't even know the whole story, but just what we assume. Good things for me to think about as I work on restructuring my perspective and priorities.
I really am focusing on it this year, on getting organized vs. overwhelmed. And I think it all starts with my thoughts. On being content as is. So really, instead of accomplishing more, I think I need to grow in the direction of acceptance, understanding, not comparing or always striving to be more, do better. On believing I am enough. Trying to break things down to what really matters and get those priorities more firmly established in my thinking, and therefore daily life. As I was looking at my journal, words like these that I have written to myself keep appearing:
I'd say that's the biggest difference I feel I've commited myself to, in 2012, to keep taking baby steps even when I feel like "it" will never happen; that I will never get organized, or acheive the peaceful, joyful, contented existence I long for. I just know we should not quit, and when I focus on that (not quitting), vs. all that the pieces it takes to acheive what I'm striving for, I feel just a tiny bit more hope and a tiny bit less overwhelmed. It's possible, I know it is, so in 2012, I'm not quitting.